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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, SPEAKING-IN-TONGUES. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * SPEAKING-IN-TONGUES has joined 018.07.154.55 <SPEAKING-IN-TONGUES>** If you have a message for me, please leave it here. I'll try to answer.

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Hello.

i...wanted to tell you that i'm so sorry for the things i said to you on Joshua's post. i was thoroughly out of line, and i had no right to treat you in such a terrible manner.

if you'd prefer not to correspond with me anymore, then i'll respect it, but you deserve an apology.

[What does he do with this. What does he do with it? He's no curse-poisoned shade, but he almost wishes he was, because then maybe he'd have a good excuse to destroy the laptop and not think about this.

Instead he stares. He stares, and stares, and stares....]

Do you even know what you were saying?

It didn't take long to figure out you were already a mess. That there was something else.

But did you even realize what you were saying, when you first messaged me that day?

the truth is, i wasn't really myself. i was hurting people because i was under the influence of a magical artifact that was altering my perception of the world. it was bad enough that my boyfriend wasn't staying in the apartment with me either.

i don't intend this to be an excuse, just an explanation. but you're right. i was a mess. and i was doing it to myself, in the pursuit of greater power.

still, the fact is that i didn't know who you were at all, nor did i mean to say anything to target you specifically. if i struck something painful then...i can't take it back. i can never take it back.

but i really am sorry.

I noticed.

[Why so few others apparently did, or at least why no one got involved enough to stop it, he'll never know. Great boyfriend, he can't help but think, way to get help.

All he can see, frankly, is that 'pursuit of greater power'. It's a statement that makes him sick. That makes him really want to throw the machine off the bed.]

If that's the cost of power then you and everyone here is better off without it.

It's a good thing I don't know what you look like. Maybe if we meet in person I'll never know it's 'you'. That's going to be the only way we can possibly get along at this point.

How can you say 'sorry', when you don't even know what your words meant?

because even if i don't...not apologizing is even worse. and because i don't want to make you tell me something that might be extremely personal in the pursuit of educating me, not unless you wanted to.

i wish i could do better than this. and i wish that i could tell you something that might make you understand my motives, but this isn't about me right now, and even if it was, it wouldn't make much of a difference.

[Ryou knows this much, based on the responses he'd gotten before the truth or dare post ever went up. Only his friends could be trusted to see the truth past the shade-anger. Ryou has tried telling people outside of his circle of friends and acquaintances very bluntly about what's dropped him down this path.

Very few have noticed.]

[It's true. He's not about to spill personal reasons as to why those words, and primarily those words hurt. But even so...]

I just can't understand how people can find something like power, worth so much of another person's life.

I can't even tell if you thought it was to begin with, and that's probably the worst part.

before i came here, power didn't mean much to me. the only reason i wanted it here was to prevent bad things happening to people close to me.

[He knew his turning point, he remembers it clearly. And it hadn't been solely for his own sake that he'd gone to the Fog seeking strength.]

still...the best i can do at this point is to try and repair the damage i've caused. damage that i wish i hadn't caused in the first place, but which i can't pretend wouldn't have been caused anyway.

How did that turn out?

[It's rude. It's a low blow. He knows it is.

Ryou can probably relate to not really giving much of a shit about that.]

Is that a way of justifying it, or a way of saying 'this way things might get fixed after'?

[It takes Ryou a moment to answer back, because that does sting, and it makes him want to lash out at Emporio, but...the difference between Emporio and Ryou is that Emporio's a kid.

Ryou really shouldn't.

Even if Emporio is saying the kind of thing that had set Ryou down this pathway in the first place...he chooses to ignore that question entirely, and instead focuses on the second one.]

Nothing is going to justify this to anyone else. No one can understand what I've gone through, and what brought me to this end. That's fine. People can hate me. You...you can hate me too. I wouldn't blame you.

I suppose it isn't really a justification. It's just an explanation from point a to point b, but no one has to accept it.

[Very few had. And he won't force the matter. It's not right to.]

Still...I did something terrible, to further my ends. As I said, if you would prefer not to accept that as an explanation or interact with me, I will do what I can to keep my distance.

[It's the first step to not repeating history, perhaps. And...well, after all, Emporio himself has his reasons for the attitude. Reasons Ryou has no context for, but reasons all the same.]

Just let me think. Let me wait. I can't answer what I actually want, or know, when all I can think about is what just happened, and about what you said to me.

Got it?

[It's not rejection of apology. It's not a request to go out of his way to avoid the other. It's just...

He needs time.]

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Ryslig Inbox

<WhiteWizard>, post 1/29

ehhehehehe

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u-u he is mean...

ha ha ha...

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